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Friday, May 18
- Joke of the day.. Letter to the Bank.. The guy who wrote this is a genius. The letter to a bank below is an actual letter sent to a bank in the United States. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, and arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account by $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness. No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2002, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater compliment and I know you will be excited and proud I have noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, ever-changing, prerecorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your branch whom you must nominate. You will be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further by introducing you to my new telephone system, which you will notice, is very much like yours. My Authorized Contact at your bank, the only person with whom I will have any dealings, may call me at any time and will be answered by an automated voice service: Press buttons as follows: 1. To make an appointment to see me. 2. To query a missing payment. 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. 7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the Authorized Contact 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may on occasion involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. This month I've chosen a refrain from "The Best of Woody Guthrie": "Oh, the banks are made of marble, With a guard at every door, And the vaults are filled with silver, That the miners sweated for." On a more serious note, we come to the matter of cost. As your bank has often pointed out, the ongoing drive for greater efficiency comes at a cost which you have always been quick to pass on to me. Let me repay your kindness by passing some costs back. First, there is a matter of advertising material you send me. This I will read for a fee of $20 per page. Inquiries from the Authorized Contact will be billed at $5 per minute of my time spent in response. Any debits to my account, as, for example, in the matter of the penalty for the dishonored check, will be passed back to you. New phone service runs at 75 cents a minute. You will be well advised to keep your inquiries brief and to the point. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so-slightly less prosperous, New Year? Your Humble Client -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i think tis joke is super lame.. =.= hahas.. school as usual today.. shall skip the lessons part cuz it's as usual also.. hahas.. had cookery lessons today.. woo~! it's super fun la.. been such a long time since i had so much fun in school le.. ^^ pictures taken at today cookery lesson..  my pizza before it's been cooked..  my pizza in the progress of cooking..  my final product..  angela's smiley face pizza..  the smiley face pizza after it has been cooked.. cookery ended at bout 3 plus.. reach home at bout 5pm.. started doing my accounting hw after tat.. nth much to blog about.. bye.. baobei.. i love you.. happy 14 months and 03 days.. muacks.. Labels: =D  spoke at : 10:15 pm |
counter music blogger  i'm YINGQIN people call me ELAINE sometimes attached since 150306 turning 19 on 20 September 1989 i like any orange & white stuffs i can be very blur and irriatating at times i share all my secrets with my dearest bf i've awesome friends who will go crazy with me i've funny working mates who'll never fail to make me laugh i love counting stars at night donald duck, S.H.E and backstreet boys are my loves i love to eat, especially crab nuggets from old chang kee, streaky bacon, sausages, hams, brocolli, cakes, pringles, sushi etc and etc. i like to sleep and daydream about wonderful stuffs i like to bake cakes and cookies i hate insects, esp cockroaches & beetles i can't stand to be alone i love to be in the crowd yup, that's me.ツ  click to add ツFriendster: oooyingqinooo click here for game info. ツ
my love  MR HONG ZHENJUN he's my guy. i love you baby. ツ wishlist for her - ROM at 23 yr old - marry at 25 yr old - photo album of our photos - SLIM DOWN and weigh 48kg - stay healthy - change new phone - S.H.E alarm clock - more woodcraft toys - be tanned - GUCCI bag - get to meet S.H.E - put braces - more Rainie Inspired Singlesided Earrings - Nike hawaii shoe - get rid of those scars =X - go overseas with baobei - get my driving licence - be able to fulfill all my dreams - be ultra super rich - be happy everyday wishlist for him - ROM at 23 yr old - marry at 25 yr old - more nike shoes - electric toothbrush - feather necklace - white psp slim - ps3 80gb - new BIG bag - v-cube 5x5, 6x6, 7x7 - cool black braclet - good results in poly - slim down and weigh 80kg - baobei to be happy forever - more shirts, jeans and pants - be ultra super rich important days - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 900th day [11 08 08] - 29th monthsary [15 08 08] - 30th monthsary [15 09 08] - 31st monthsary [15 10 08 - 32nd monthsary [15 11 08] - 1000th day [19 11 08] - 33rd monthsary [15 01 09] to be continued.. doll doll exits Click Here. ツ photos credits
layout: lyricaltragedyicon: threemoresteps inspiration: fruitstyle |
